Coming out to a Catholic family: Andrew Mallett’s story

Andrew, a 21 year old Australian, has moved to the fashion capital, London, in order to further his career in men’s style. Andrew tells me that lugging himself and his belongings to the other side of the world was unsurprisingly unemotional and that, besides his mates and Vegemite, he doesn’t miss anything from his home country. When asked why he doesn’t miss home, Andrew recalled a detailed account of his struggles when coming out as gay to his Catholic family.

What was it like growing up in a Catholic family?

It was quite hard for me as a gay male growing up in that kind of environment because I was never able to express my true feelings. For the majority of my life I was repressed. My family home was never a place of acceptance, it was more of a place of them trying to change me. I could never be myself in my family.

Was it hard for you yourself to accept your sexuality?

Yes. When you grow up in an environment where you’re continually told what you feel is wrong and disgusting, and that you could go to hell, you’re conditioned to believe it, it’s a form of brainwashing. There would be times, even in my childhood where I did have feelings toward guys, but I would constantly tell myself, ‘you can’t feel that, because it’s wrong’.

Can you recall the time you came out to your family?

I don’t think it was one time, but there were numerous times throughout my childhood where my mum questioned if I was gay, and I just said ‘no’. Then one day my mum was talking to me about it, and I was like, ‘maybe I am gay’, and she started crying. That evening I remember telling my parents.

How did they react?

Basically every night they would come into my room and tell me I had a mental illness. They wanted me to see the parish priest and talk to him about it, and go to gay camp, and stuff like that.

What’s gay camp?

Well, it’s where very traditional Catholics send their children if they’re homosexual or anything in the LGBTQ+ community, it’s basically to ‘pray the gay away’. I never thought my parents would suggest that to me. It sounds very much like something from a movie.

How do you feel as a result of coming out?

My confidence grew because I could be myself after I came out, I could express myself the way I wanted to. Before gay people come out, they’ve been suppressed their whole life, and there is no expression of the self, and so the whole of you ‘comes out’ at once. I think it does truly mean that because you come out, your personality, the way you express yourself. It was a total freeing time of my life.